Trip To Europe « Result #1 on Mar 13, 2009, 9:19pm »
A beautiful young New York woman was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean. But just before she could throw herself from the docks, a handsome young sailor stopped her.
"You have so much to live for," said the sailor. "Look, I¡¯m off to Europe tomorrow and I can stow you away on my ship. I¡¯ll take care of you, bring you food every day, and keep you happy."
With nothing to lose, combined with the fact that she had always wanted to go to Europe, the woman accepted. That night the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat. From then on, every night he would bring her three sandwiches and make love to her until dawn.
Three weeks later she was discovered by the captain during a routine inspection.
"What are you doing here?" asked the captain.
"I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she replied. "He brings me food and I get a free trip to Europe. Plus he¡¯s screwing me."
"He certainly is," replied the captain. "This is the Staten Island Ferry".
Under The Table « Result #2 on Mar 13, 2009, 9:19pm »
Two couples were playing cards. Jeff accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. When he bent down under the table to pick them up, he noticed that Dave's wife, Sandy, was not wearing any underwear! Shocked by this, Jeff hit his head on the table and emerged red-faced.
Later when Jeff went to the kitchen to get some refreshments Sandy followed him and asked, "Did you see anything under the table that you liked?" Jeff admitted, "Well, yes I did." She said "you can have it, but it will cost you $100."
After a minute or two, Jeff indicates that he is interested. She tells him that since Dave works Friday afternoons and Jeff doesn't, that Jeff should come to their house around 2:00 PM on Friday.
Friday came and Jeff went to her house at 2:00 PM. After paying her the $100, they went to the bedroom, had sex for a few hours and then Jeff left.
Dave came home about 6:00 PM and asked his wife, "Did Jeff come by this afternoon?" Totally shocked, Sandy replied, "Yes, he did stop by for a few minutes." Next Dave asked, "Did Jeff give you $100?" Sandy thought, 'Oh hell, he knows!' Reluctantly she said, "Yes, he did give me $100."
"Good," Dave says. "Jeff came by the office this morning and borrowed the $100 from me and said that he'd stop by our house on his way home and pay me back. It's so good to have a friend you can trust."
Some Marriages Insights « Result #3 on Mar 13, 2009, 9:19pm »
My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way. -- Henny Youngman
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met. -- Rodney Dangerfield
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong. -- Milton Berle
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. -- George Burns
What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? About 30 pounds. -- Cindy Garner
I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, "There was water in the carburetor." I said, "Where's the car?" She said, "In the lake." -- Henny Youngman
Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight. -- Phyllis Diller
The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret. -- Henny Youngman
People are always asking couples whose marriages have endured at least a quarter of a century for their secret for success. Actually, it is no secret at all. I am a forgiving woman. Long ago, I forgave my husband for not being Paul Newman. -- Erma Bombeck
After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you." The husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice."
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months - I don't like to interrupt her.
My girlfriend told me I should be more affectionate. So I got two girlfriends.
A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it because the thief was spending less than his wife did.
Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are beautiful.
Jake was on his deathbed while his wife, Becky, maintained a steady vigil by his side. As she held his fragile hand, her warm tears ran silently down her face, splashed onto his, and roused him from his slumber. He looked up and his pale lips began to quiver with sound.
"My darling Becky," he whispered.
"Hush, my love," she said. "Go back to sleep Shhh! Don't talk."
But he was insistent. "Becky," he said in his tired voice. "I have to talk. I have something I must confess to you."
"There's nothing to confess," replied the weeping Becky. "It's all right. Everything's all right, go to sleep now."
"No, no. I must die in peace, Becky. I slept with your sister, your best friend and our next door neighbor."
Becky mustered a pained smile and stroked his hand. "Hush now Jake, don't torment yourself. I know all about it," she said. "Why do you think I poisoned you?"
The Easter Bunny « Result #5 on Feb 26, 2009, 12:46am »
When I was a little girl, every Sunday my family of six would put on their best clothes and go to Sunday School and then church. The kids in elementary school would all meet together to sing songs, and then later divide into groups based on their ages.
One Easter Sunday,wow power leveling all the kids arrived with big eyes and big stories about what the Easter Bunny had brought. While all of the kids shared their stories with delight, one young boy, whom I will call Bobby, sat sullenly. One of the teachers, noticing this, said to him, wow gold "And what did the Easter Bunny bring you?" He replied, "My mom locked the door on accident so the Easter Bunny couldn't get inside."
This sounded like a reasonable idea to all of us kids,wow power leveling so we kept on going with the stories. My mom knew the true story, though. Bobby's mom was a single parent, and she suspected that they just couldn't afford the Easter Bunny.
After Sunday School was over, everyone went off to church. When my dad came to meet us my mom announced that we were going home instead. At home, wow power leveling she explained that to make Bobby feel better, we were going to pretend to be the Easter Bunny and make a basket of goodies for him and leave it at church. We all donated some of our candies to the basket, and headed back up to church. There,wow gold mom unzipped his coat, hung the basket over the hanger, and zipped up the coat and attached a note.
Dear Bobby, I'm sorry I missed your house last night.wow gold Happy Easter. Love, The Easter Bunny
Colorful Shades of Gray « Result #6 on Feb 26, 2009, 12:46am »
Moths are very ugly creatures. At least that is what I always thought until a reliable source told me otherwise. When I was about five or six years old, my brother Joseph and I stayed overnight at our Aunt Linda¡¯s house,wow power leveling our favorite relative. She spoke to us like adults, and she always had the best stories.
Joseph was only four years old, and still afraid of the dark, so Aunt Linda left the door open and the hall light on when she tucked us in to bed. Joe couldn¡¯t sleep, so he just lay there staring at the ceiling. Just as I dozed off to sleep, he woke me up and asked, ¡°Jennie, what are those ugly things near the light?¡±(I had always liked that he asked me questions because wow gold I was older and supposed to know the answers. I didn¡¯t always know the answers, of course, but I could always pretend I did.) He was pointing to the moths fluttering around the hall light. ¡°They¡¯re just moths, go to sleep,¡± I told him.
He wasn¡¯t content with that answer,wow power leveling or the moths near his night light, so the next time my Aunt walked by the door he asked her to make the ugly moths go away. When she asked why, he said simply, ¡°Because they¡¯re ugly and scary, and I don¡¯t like them! ¡±She just laughed, rubbed his head, and said, ¡°Joe just because something is ugly outside doesn¡¯t mean it¡¯s not beautiful inside. Do you know why moths are brown?¡± Joe just shook his head.
¡°Moths are the most beautiful animals in the animal kingdom. At one time they were more colorful than the butterflies. They have always been helpful, kind, and generous creatures. One day the angels up in heaven were crying. They were sad because it was cloudy and they couldn¡¯t look down upon the people on earth. Their tears fell down to the earth as rain. The sweet little moths hated to see everyone so sad. They decided to make a rainbow.wow power leveling The moths figured that if they asked their cousins, the butterflies, to help, they could all give up just a little bit of their colors and they could make a beautiful rainbow.
One of the littlest moths flew to ask the queen of the butterflies for help. The butterflies were too vain and selfish to give up any of their colors for neither the people nor the angels. So, the moths decided to try to make the rainbow themselves. They beat their wings very hard and the powder on them formed little clouds that the winds smoothed over like glass. Unfortunately, the rainbow wasn¡¯t big enough so the moths kept giving a little more and a little more until the rainbow stretched all the way across the sky. They had given away all their color except brown, which didn¡¯t fit into their beautiful rainbow.
Now the once colorful moths were plain and brown. The angels up in heaven saw the rainbow, and became joyous.wow gold They smiled and the warmth of their smiles shown down on the earth as sunshine. The
warm sunshine made the people on earth happy and they smiled, too. Now every time it rains the baby moths, who still have their colors, spread them across the sky to make more rainbows.¡±
My brother sank off to sleep with that story and hasn¡¯t feared moths since. The story my aunt told us had been gathering dust in the back corners of my brain for years,wow gold but recently came back to me.
I have a friend named Abigail who always wears gray clothes. She is also one of the most kind and generous people I¡¯ve ever met. When people ask her why she doesn¡¯t wear more colors she just smiles, that smile, and says, ¡°Gray is my color.¡± She knows herself and she doesn¡¯t compromise that to appease other people. Some may see her as plain like a moth, but I know that underneath the gray, Abigail is every color of the rainbow.
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we provide a cheap wow power leveling « Result #8 on Mar 21, 2008, 4:23am »
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